Cop:Do you have any illegal substances on you?
Me:Idk, is SWAG illegal??
Cop:Yes, it is. You're going to jail, dirtbag.
why is every girl hot but me
Cops on crime drama:We caught the killer!
Me:Not with 35 minutes left you haven't.
if you dont like me please dont pretend to like me ever
It shouldn’t be called meet and greet it should be called pay and hey
How do people do backflips and shit? like i can’t even flip my grilled cheese without fucking up
*throws coins at strippers really hard*